Note: The Kurdish American Youth Organization conducted a six-month research study consisting of interviews with individuals and discussions with professionals in the field of psychology on a social problem existing among Kurdish communities in the United States. The purpose of the project was to simply have a better understanding of the negative occurrences in order to prevent it from happening in the future. The project was presented at KNC's 18th Annual Conference in Washington DC during the Kurdish American Youth panel.

In the past few years a new phenomenon started to occur and reoccur among the different Kurdish communities in the United States. This phenomenon can be best described as young Kurds running away from home. In most cases, the phenomenon comes to surface through gossip due to the way they end, which is marriage.

Kurdish American Youth wishes to discuss this topic not in an attempt to present an all ending solution to the so-called problem, but instead, in hopes of having it recognized as an issue at hand in our Kurdish community. Our effort was to collect as much information on the different cases of runaways in hopes of recognizing a similar pattern among them that we could determine was the cause of the problem. A very difficult deviant in the cases is interracial/international marriages; where in some cases they could be labeled as result of runaways, in others they are merely product of love between two individuals with different backgrounds.

Unfortunately most runaways that do not result in marriage go undetected by the communities, and as a result, we could not collect information regarding those incidents. This is due to strong Kurdish family bonds and family held “secrets”. To disregard them is a major mistake and it would be unfair to those individuals and families that underwent the ordeal. All one can do is to keep them in mind and to be sensitive towards them.

As the new generation is being raised here the possibility of cultural clash increases day by day. We live in a country in which the way of life clashes sharply with our own Kurdish backgrounds. Lifestyle in the west, particularly the United States, is based upon individualistic values and highly praises individual liberties. Kurdish culture at the opposite pole is a very collective society. One of the expectations of the collective community is for its members to marry with one other and not with “outsiders.” Individuals are expected to sacrifice their own liberties for the greater good of the community. In some cases, the degree of collectiveness is so harsh that they tie the individual up with a special region, dialect, sect of religion, and/or social status of the families.

When viewing the cases, misunderstanding of the clashes mentioned above stares you right in the face! Generally, this problem occurs among those teens that were born in US or have moved to the US at a very early age.

Such youths’ upbringings are heavily influenced by the so-called western lifestyle either through, media, school, or through the youths’ peers. Young Kurds have a very difficult time to understand the strict and stringent requirements of their parents and those requirements of their community. Parents and our communities are also at fault for their lack of understanding of the youths’ needs, desires and background motives. They have to understand that a youth’s membership in the Kurdish community is a matter of choice and NOT a requirement. Therefore, youths must be encouraged to participate as well as to respect and understand all aspects of Kurdish culture including its trait of collectivism. Forcing those values on young Kurds will result in rebellion against norms, as way of punishing or getting back at their parents. “Teenage rebellion” is an all too familiar term here in western society and our youth are taking up on it as well.

Running away from home, or dating an outsider is the most extreme way for youths to rebel. Buildup of misunderstanding leads to frustration of both parties involved, and eventually to a climax that consists of either with the youth running or the youth being forced in a marriage, which they do not desire. Marriage should never be a solution for either side to fix their misunderstanding even though it might be the easiest route to take.

There are many cases of failed or dysfunctional marriages that were result of force. Sometimes, a youth will run away to the only place that they feel they may turn, which is their significant other. This problem would be much less likely in Kurdistan because the youth had alternate choices such as grandparents, aunts or other relatives. The resolution of most of these cases is marriage. Taking such course of action negates the original problem and it could be a forced marriage. A person is bound to marry, based on a decision that could have resulted from an emotional split-second reaction! She or he may have run away simply from the lifestyle at home and the constant misunderstanding in hopes of a new lifestyle with another person, and not necessarily for the love of the other person.

The gap between parent and youth is usually larger in those families that spend less time together. Spending quality time is a very difficult task when dealing with newly immigrated families who are under the heavy burden of labor. Many of these new families have the older children, in addition to both parents, working two or three jobs. These families are struggling in a new country just to stay on their feet! However, children need constant guidance and interaction from parents to be able to understand and relate to their culture. Constant interaction leads to an overtime understanding of one another’s perspectives.

Parents must pay particular attention to desires of their youth and their ability to find and select their own partners in marriage. This is a liberty, which is long overdue. Although a parent’s blessings, thoughts and inputs are very important and crucial for a healthy marriage, it should be viewed as a given privilege and not as a right.

Youth runaways can be result of many factors and some may be very odd to a particular case. However, the most significant factors are the result of cultural clashes and lack of respect for individual’s right in choosing their own marriage partner. It is the duty of the parties involved, parents and the youth, to come to an understanding of their differences with the heavier burden being on the parent and the community members.

Kurdistan and the Kurdish culture should never be used as a “punishment”.

Many parents have threatened their children that if they step astray from their parents’ decisions, they will be sent back to Kurdistan! The community members and parents must help the youth understand the cultural difference of societies in the U.S. and of our Kurdish societies to help the youth develop a love and passion for Kurdistan, and not a fear!

In the end, we are hopeful that by bringing up the subject of the youth runaway as a social issue, we could shed some positive light on this already existing problem. We are hopeful that the different Kurdish communities across America recognize the problem and try to handle as a serious matter, and not as a topic of joke or gossip, in the future gatherings. This is a real problem that exists in our societies and it could face any of us at any time or place!

http://www.kurdmedia.com/articles.asp?id=12169